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She’s got an international part-time lover… but wants more. Should she ask for it?

by Dan Savage

I am new to polyamory. I am an ethically non-monogamous hetero woman in her 50s and recently re-entered into my first secondary sexual relationship with a married friend whom I’ve known all my life. We lost touch after college, but he reconnected and restarted it. Is it normal to want to know if he has other partners? Is it OK to ask him? How do I ask him? He has asked me directly and I told him I don’t have other partners. But he is very opaque when I try to talk to him about himself. He prefers to keep chats and calls superficial and this has been a source of angst for me since I do like a creative conversation, and I have seen him have it with others, so his reluctance to engage with me is confusing. I am open in sharing my relationship status when he asks…

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