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He has dreams of being a Dom, but there are… complications. What can he do to prepare?

by Dan Savage

I am a 36-year-old reader, a recent subscriber to your column, and a gay man from Europe. I had a late coming out a few years ago, due to some financial and social constraints. I lived with my family well into my twenties, and then later with flatmates, and as a consequence I have never had a proper relationship — or even sexual intercourse — with a man. I have had strong Dom/sub fantasies, always with me as the Dom, mainly featuring role-play and power-exchange situations with restraints and collars and chains. Ideally, I would like to have a sub — for a weekend at first, and then perhaps a relationship with Dom/sub dynamics. I have only tried it briefly with a friend a while ago, and just two times, but my being a complete beginner ruined the encounter for him, as the cuffs broke, and we had only a…

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