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She’s the “other woman,” but wait… it’s more complicated than that.

by Dan Savage

I’m the other woman in a non-ethical, non-monogamous marriage. His wife doesn’t know. I think my lover’s wife married him to have a family and because they got along well. When I met my lover five years ago, he talked about how he had a platonic marriage, and his wife was his best friend. He had every reason to expect a sexless marriage, and until recently she refused to see a counselor. They started therapy and are now having “scheduled sex.” When he told me that my first question was, “Is your therapist a man?” Sure enough, he is. I cautioned against this approach but didn’t call it what I think it is: consensual rape. He and I are not having sex now, as I had to draw a line: If she was putting forth such an effort, I would not do anything to undermine her. I know what it…

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