TopFeatured.com

Yes, you guessed right; it is squirrels! Scampering about, they look so happy and carefree and cute. Sometimes I wish I were a squirrel. Such fun! But they are a scourge upon our fair city. Ask yourself: what has a squirrel ever done for you? Anything useful? Probably not. But if one gets in your house, that’s going to be a whole thing you’re going to need to deal with now. Did you need this hassle? I sure didn’t. I have important things to do that have nothing to do with chasing a squirrel. Here’s going to be you when a squirrel is in your living room: “No! Get away! The door is open! Why are you running that way! It’s the other way! Get out of here! Why did I think a broom was going to help in this situation? This does nothing!” Then, once you finally get the squirrel out it just goes and looks for another way back in, like a screen or something. Idiot! Don’t think it can’t happen to you. It will. Some squirrels are probably very nice, but much like people, others are real jerks I bet. And how can you tell which ones are the bad ones when they all look alike? Maybe squirrels can tell each other apart, or maybe that’s why they always chase after each other all the time, because if their friend gets more than like 5 feet away now they have no idea which of these dozen or so squirrels is the one they are friends with. If you are a squirrel scientist please don’t tell me how this works (pheromones maybe), or how squirrels are good for the environment. I am not interested in squirrels. Make better choices!

[ Comment on this story ]

[ Subscribe to the comments on this story ]