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Another week, another opportunity to take a look at the lifecycle of an Apple catastrophe.

Last week, out of nothing more than sheer altruism, Google researchers dropped a bombshell report: certain websites have been indiscriminately hacking iPhones for two years by exploiting vulnerabilities in the operating system, hijacking passwords and even gaining the ability to read encrypted messages.

Not good. If you were concerned that no one would report on this, well, where have you been for 30 years?

Also, if you’ve been gone for 30 years, don’t… uh, don’t look at the news. Just… uh, just don’t.

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