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Good Afternoon, News: Cop Accountability Group Lacks Accountability, Oregon Cop Sues Immigration Cops, and Justice (Finally) for Breonna Taylor?

by Wm. Steven Humphrey

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GOOD AFTERNOON, PORTLAND! Enjoy this relatively cool day which boasted a mere 79 degrees. Starting tomorrow we make a slow climb back into the uppers-90s by the weekend. But now? Let’s quickly climb into some NEWS!

IN LOCAL NEWS:

• There are two organizations in town doing their damnedest to make sure cops are being held accountable for their actions, while the third organization—well, they seem to think they’re doing a great job, even though they appear to be fully in the cops’ pocket. Find out more about the “citizen-led police accountability group” FIT COG and the measures being taken to make them more accountable in Alex Zielinski’s newest HALL MONITOR.

• Oregon firefighters are currently battling no less than FIVE wildfires around the state with varying degrees of success.

• Here’s a switch: A Hillsboro cop is currently suing federal immigration officers for profiling him, pulling him over, and then arresting him based on the color of his skin. (As well as allegedly saying some very racist shit.)

 • Did you know it’s officially tomato season? Which also means it’s officially DELICIOUS BLT SEASON! And right on time, Andrea Damewood tells you where to get the most scrumptious BLTs in town—plus a recipe for making a perfect one on your own!

• NOW sounds like the perfect time for one those $6 boozy, frozen cocktails your fave bars are serving up during the current Mercury SUMMER OF SLUSHIES! (Or maybe finish your work day first. I don’t know.)

IN NATIONAL/WORLD NEWS:

• Four officers in Louisville, Kentucky, are now facing federal charges (for several crimes) involving the botched nighttime raid that ended with them killing an innocent Breonna Taylor. (The DOJ stepping in where local authorities failed is a BIG DEAL™.)

• A Russian judge has sentenced American WNBA basketball star Brittney Griner to 9 years (!!) in a penal colony for smuggling a little weed oil into the country. (An obvious ploy to set up a future prisoner exchange with the US.)

• At long last, President Biden’s administration has officially declared monkeypox a public health emergency, in order to free up funds to combat the spread (although that ship has already sailed).

• “Florida Man”/Governor Ron DeSantis has suspended a Tampa state attorney for the crime of saying he’ll refuse to prosecute people under the state’s new draconian abortion law.

• Welp, looks like RIP for HBO Max: The popular streaming service will be merging with Discovery+ to become a new platform that frankly sounds pretty shitty. According to the new boss, the service will focus less on scripted shows (goodbye, Hacks) and turn their attention to blockbuster theatrical movies (hello, the 15th crappy Justice League movie).

• And finally….

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