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Good Afternoon, News: Govenor Declares Wildfire Emergency, “Big Red Wave” Falls Flat, and Alex Jones’ Epic Fail

by Wm. Steven Humphrey

The Mercury provides news and fun every single day—but your help is essential. If you believe Portland benefits from smart, local journalism and arts coverage, please consider making a small monthly contribution, because without you, there is no us. Thanks for your support!

GOOD AFTERNOON, PORTLAND! I don’t know… if you ask me, a sunny 84 degrees (and 76 tomorrow) sounds like the perfect temperature for those $6 boozy, frozen cocktails your fave bars are serving up during the current Mercury SUMMER OF SLUSHIES! If you ask me, that is. Did you also ask for some NEWS? Because here’s some.

IN LOCAL NEWS:

• As I mentioned in this space the other day, WILDFIRE SEASON is now in session. And today Gov. Kate Brown issued her first such emergency declaration of the season, invoking the Emergency Conflagration Act in response to Wasco County’s Miller Road fire, which as of today has already burned around 2,000 acres. 

• It was primary election night yesterday in Washington state, and the “Big Red Wave” that was predicted… turned into a little red drip? Our sister-wives at The Stranger has the results on what was a big night for the Dems and an embarrassment for the GOP.

• In Idaho, the state’s Supreme Court are hearing arguments as to whether or not they should block multiple abortion bans that are set to go into effect this month—and so far, they don’t appear to think it’s their job. OPB looks into the many facets of the case.

• Heyyyy, if you like comedy, one of the funniest lineups of comedians in ages is going down tonight (Aug 3, 7:30 pm) a the Siren Theater! It’s the “Kate Murphy and Friends” show and it features a murderer’s row of the best comedians to ever come out of Portland. (No one will actually be murdered, I don’t think.) Suzette Smith has the deets!

• In the poetic and profound new documentary, Sam Now, a Portland director teams up with his half-brother to track down his mother who left the family when they were young. Chase Hutchinson has an interview with the folks, and it sounds incredible.

IN NATIONAL/WORLD NEWS:

• The good news (and not-so-good news) from last night’s primary elections across the nation: Kansas voters handed the forced birth crowd their asses when they overwhelmingly voted to protect abortion rights in the state. Unfortunately, in swing states such as Arizona, Pennsylvania, Michigan, and Nevada, Republican election deniers won their primaries and could be the ones overseeing how future elections in their states are run corrupted.

• In other positive abortion news, President Biden signed an executive order allowing Medicaid funds to be used by people who are forced to travel to another state to get an abortion. 

• In a hilarious turn of events, InfoWars’ serial liar Alex Jones was forced to admit in court that the massacre at Sandy Hook was “100 percent real” after his lawyers accidentally handed over all his previous text messages on the subject to the attorneys representing the Sandy Hook families. Whoopsy-doodle!

• THIS IS GLORIOUS.

• The Senate has overwhelmingly voted in favor of allowing Sweden and Finland to join NATO (noted Republican asshole Sen. Josh Hawley was the only “no” vote).

• An important note before you accidentally say something stupid:

• In what many film smarty-pants are calling an “unprecedented” move, Warner Bros. has announced they will NOT release the $90 million Batgirl movie in theaters or on HBO Max because it apparently doesn’t reflect their new strategy to make only big theatrical releases… and apparently a $90 million movie isn’t that?

• And finally, it’s time for everybody to work a little harder on their “pool poses”! (BTW, there’s no “sensitive content” in this at all. I don’t know what they’re talking about.)

Continue Reading at PortlandMercury.com here

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