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The 5 Steps to Watching Televised Thanksgiving Day Parades. (Step 1: Get High)
[What follows is some extremely helpful advice from our sister publication, The Stranger, written in 2015… you know, before the world went to shit. The 2021 Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade runs from 9 am-noon on NBC.—eds]
Step 1: Smoke weed, drink tincture, or have an edible. Your choice. Those are the only ways to properly watch a televised Thanksgiving Day parade. Vape it, dab it, spray it on your tongue, or slather your torso with cannabis coconut oil. Up to you.
Step 2: Mute the sound on the television, and put on Death Grips’ “Lil Boy” from No Love Deep Web. Let it play on repeat while the first three or four balloons and floats go by. The tension and impending tones of MC Ride’s vocals will make the people smiling at the parade seem like they’re all hiding a dark secret. They’re so happy, but are they too happy? There’s a procession of large, inflated humanoid and animal shapes being pulled by ropes. Something is off. The creatures are filled with 300,000 cubic feet of helium, and they’re peering down from another dimension. It’s ominous, yet clowning. Breezes gust up and catch one of Kermit the Frog’s bone-thin arms, making him wave and convulse in slow motion. He’s not saying, “Hellooo kids.” He’s saying, “Somebody fucking help meee.”
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