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I’m not positive, but I’m pretty sure.. that my cell phone was forged in the depths of Mordor. I mean, I constantly feel the burden of its presence. Even when I’m not using it, it calls to me. It always knows where I am. It wants me to pick it up. To give in. To give it my energy. It’s almost irresistible. And I do. Always a struggle it is to be using it. And to not let it be using me. Is there a big black mass somewhere out there in space? Growing larger day by day? Stuffed full of all our life force? We must find Bruce Willis. Elijah, Milla, and Bruce. And I guess Sean too. Lord knows we all could use a Sam. Anyways, best of luck to you with your one ring. See ya out there. This one’s for Frodo.

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