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Good Afternoon, News: “Fair Weather Wheeler,” Oregon’s Big COVID Jump, and… Russia’s Trying to Interfere with Our Election? WHAAAAT??

by Wm. Steven Humphrey

What youre about to hear may be shocking, but... RUSSIA IS TRYING TO INTERFERE WITH OUR ELECTION!!

What you’re about to hear may be shocking, but… RUSSIA IS TRYING TO INTERFERE WITH OUR ELECTION!! Chris McGrath / Getty News

Here’s your daily roundup of all the latest local and national news. (Like our coverage? Please consider making a recurring contribution to the Mercury to keep it comin’!)

• DO NOT MISS the latest installment of Alex Zielinski’s Hall Monitor, in which she takes Mayor Wheeler to task for his “fair weather” attitude toward protesters: standing in solidarity with them while the national spotlight is on, and then reverting back to defending the violent actions of local police when it’s not.

• Meanwhile… SURPRISE! The same federal officers that teargassed and snatched peaceful protesters off the streets are not only still in town, but they’ll probably still be here up until the election.

• In COVID news: The Oregon Health Authority has reported a whopping 423 new positive cases in the past 24 hours, and nine additional deaths. (That’s the biggest jump in new cases since July 19.) Okay folks, since its going to be a nice weekend, make doubly sure to follow the Mercury‘s mantra: WASH YA DAMN HANDS, WEAR YA DAMN MASKS, AND KEEP YA DAMN DISTANCE!

• Good news and not-so-good COVID news: According to new state modeling, the spread of coronavirus in Oregon is at its lowest levels in months. (Yaaaaayy!) HOWEVER, it’s still not low enough to significantly reduce the daily number of infections around the state. (Boooooooo.)

• More good news and not-so-good COVID news: According to a state epidemiologist, eating and drinking inside restaurants and bars doesn’t appear to be especially risky for catching the coronavirus. (Yaaaaaayy!) HOWEVER, we don’t really know for sure, because contract tracers and case investigators are too busy to ask. (Ohhhhhhh….)

• This November, people in Multnomah County will get the opportunity to vote “HELL YES” to a measure that would tax incomes of more than $125,000 to fund universal preschool.

• As long as we’re taxing people, can we please tax insecure white dudes who drive unnecessary trucks? Headline: “Oregon man arrested for intentionally running down 6 pronghorn antelope with pickup truck.”

IN NATIONAL NEWS:

• Guess what, guys?? According to US intelligence, apparently Russia is trying to interfere with the 2020 election by denigrating Joe Biden online in an attempt to reelect the president. (Unbelievable, isn’t it? THAT’S SO UNLIKE THEM!)

• Because I guess he’s still mad at the teens who screwed up his Tulsa pep rally, Trump has issued an executive order barring any US company from business dealings with TikTok’s parent company, which could remove the social media platform from app stores. (Psst… most experts think he won’t legally get away with it.)

• A federal appeals court ruled today that Democrats can sue to force Trump’s former White House counsel Donald McGahn to testify in front of Congress and produce documents.

• You will not be shocked to learn that negotiations to push forward a coronavirus relief package are going NOWHERE thanks to Republicans who have once again rejected the Democrats attempts to negotiate a deal, even when they agreed to drop their price by $1 trillion.

• New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo has given the state the go-ahead to fully reopen all the schools in the state this fall—and may god have mercy on their souls.

• Despite the small steps Facebook has taken to flag misinformation on conservative sites, leaked company documents show they have continuously allowed the liars to continue spreading their lies without any punishment. Again we see that Facebook is garbage.

• Want to support the Mercury AND look like a million bucks? Buy our newest “RESIST” T-shirt created by local artist Sloane Leong that comes in black, white, yellow, and teal and is perfect for anyone who wants to protest in style!

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Illustration: Sloane Leong

• THE WEATHER REPORT: Expect a verrrry nice weekend with sunny skies and pleasant highs in the low-to-mid 80s.

• And finally, enjoy this absolutely delightful video of two music-loving teens discovering the famous beat drop in Phil Collins’ “In the Air Tonight.”

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